Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Curse of the Costco ham

Last weekend, on the advice and praise of Uhrblock, we purchased a Costco ham (Kirkland's Spiral Cut). A real fire sale, $10 off the regular price. We wrangled one into our cart and headed for the checkout.

Arriving at home we slapped that big hamhock on the kitchen counter, opened up the packaged, and wow. This thing is massive. We're going to be feasting on ham for weeks. Well rather than eat 20 ham based meals in a row we decided to chop it up and freeze it. Wait, what's this? A plastic bone button protector thingie? Ok, so this bad boy had a bone. I'm sure I can butcher around that with my Ginzu. Easy enough, right?

Well maybe for a butcher's son. I hacked and I hacked. Blood and juice spilling all over the stove and floor. My wife yelling that she's going to have to disinfect the entire kitchen and me yelling for her to grab the beast before it falls on the floor. Finally, four freezer bags later we get it all organized and stored away for a nuclear holocaust.

Without going into details let's just say that Uhrblock's name was cursed once or twice.

Skunk attack

Then last night around midnight I hear my wife shout from the doorway. SKUNK!! Yep. The ham had come back to haunt us. The leftover ham bone was just too much for that poor skunk to resist. I had to chase him away three times before I could convince my wife to come out and help me clean up the garbage that was now strewn all over the road and front lawn. (Note to blog readers, this type of late evening activity does absolutely nothing for the bedroom romance. If you ever find yourself in this predicament, let the animal enjoy it and tidy it up in the morning.)

In the end the ham proved to be delicious. However the pre and post production work involved will make you want to think twice about heading down to your nearest Costco and picking one up for yourself.

No comments: